Dark Matter

THE SPIRAL Isn't it funny how we’re always chasing the next thing? We set goals, work toward them, and then, without even realizing it, move the finish line further. Somewhere along the way, we forget to acknowledge how far we’ve come. A few months ago I found myself spiraling and losing control of my thoughts. It would usually start late at night and the thoughts ran like a news ticker:  I am not doing enough, I am not doing what people my age are doing, I should have learned, I should've done my master's. These thoughts would creep in and with every passing moment, they would multiply.  No matter how much I tried to silence these thoughts, they found a way to resurface. When I was scrolling through LinkedIn, seeing people my age thriving in their careers, when I was talking to old friends and realized our lives had taken different paths, when I tried to fall asleep, but the weight of “not enough” sat heavy on my chest. And the worst part?  I wasn’t even sleeping proper...

so, i was on a me-time break when i started watching this 2000's movie called 13 going 30 . idk what it is about 2000's teen movies, but they’re so comforting and a perfect no-brainer.

We all have different voices in our heads, like the lover, the practical one, the empathetic one, and the playful one. Sometimes, to get a grip on things and look at things from a detached perspective, I talk to my practical side, a.k.a. the third person.   Here's a poem I wrote for this voice: ****** I carefully save that cash for future, one that seams so bleak.  I fight with my thoughts—should I just be enjoying the present, or continue saving?  Past regrets being my continuous reminders Screaming of all the impulsive decisions I took in shivers I find myself standing with one leg in the future, and one leg in the past,  all the while drowning continuously in present's vast. In these moments of internal chaos, strain & hassle compose. So, I stop and take a step back  Ask myself—what is causing that knack. I realize.. nothing. NOT A FREAKING THING. Putting things in perspective is what I lack. Talking to myself as a third person helps a lot. Most times it'...

01/ The more one desires anything, the more challenges the universe throws, asking, "Show us what you got. Let's see what we're willing to do to make them happen" Those who can accept the simplicity of "it is what it is" are the ones who are smoothly sailing through these challenges. But for those who can't, they find themselves submerged in the sorrow of unfulfilled longing . Perhaps that's why there are more people out there, still searching for love and wallowing in sadness, than those who are content with the absence of it.

there are days when i am alone seeking for a place—an arm i can call home

  I  Just  Adore the Winter  Sun .   I can't quite put my finger on it, but maybe it's the sensation of warmth on crisp days or the way it snaps me into the present moment.   Either way , here's a  little poem  inspired by that feeling ♡                                                     The winter sun , a beacon of light Shining bright amidst the cold A reminder that even in the darkest of nights Life still finds a way to unfold Its warmth penetrates the chill And melts away my doubts I am reminded to live in the present And let go of past and future thoughts I stop and take a moment to enjoy The soft warmth upon my skin And let my worries fade away As I let the moment sink in The winter sun , a symbol of hope A reminder that in the darkest of days There is still light to guide us forward And hope to light our wa...

D o you often catch yourself zoning out because you're too deep into your thoughts? Do you also find small-talk boring? Do you usually choose to stay quiet but become annoying once someone mentions a recent hyper fixation of yours? Then, my friend, you're a deep thinker. Therefore, my tribe. And this is for you.